What will Henry be doing tomorrow?

I'm taking the day off tomorrow. Is Henry going to be partying down and getting loose? Not at all. I will be dealing with the DMV.

Ah, the Department of Motor Vehicles! The butt of so many jokes. I've been driving since I was 16 and, contrary to all the humor, I have never found them to be anything but fast, efficient, courteous, helpful, and polite.

Until yesterday.

I happened to be driving downtown yesterday, right through the center of New Haven. Suddenly there was a "whoop, whoop" sound behind me, and there were flashing lights in my rearview mirror. I pulled over to let the cop pass me, but she pulled behind me and parked instead. I was being pulled over.

For what? I've never had so much as a speeding ticket in my life! OK, I've surely deserved to be cited for speeding, but not now! How could anyone possibly speed in downtown New Haven? I rolled down my window and waited for the officer to approach my car.

When she did, I asked politely: "Officer, have I done something wrong?" "Yes," she replied, "you're driving an unregistered vehicle." Unregistered? "I'm sorry," I said, "I must not have gotten the notice. I must have missed a bill." "No," she countered, "this car has never been registered." By now a bicycle cop had pulled up, clearly having nothing better to do.

"I'm sorry," I responded, "but there must be some kind of mix-up. I bought this car 9 years ago. New. From the dealer. I've pasted several of those little metallic renewal stickers on my license plate, my emissions inspections are up to date, my insurance is current, and my taxes are paid. The car has been registered; I must have missed a renewal notice."

"No," she said, firmly, "if you had failed to renew your registration, our system would say 'Canceled'. If you'd had a violation it would have said 'Revoked'. This vehicle has never been registered. Step out of the car, please."

I was in a little bit of a bind. I had my driver's license with me. I had the insurance card. And I had a registration certificate. Unfortunately, that certificate was (for some reason) for my daughter's car. I could not, in fact, produce a valid registration certificate for my car!

I don't know whether she called a supervisor, or if he was listening on his radio, but he pulled up as she was explaining that my car would have to be towed, because she could not permit an unregistered vehicle to be operated on a public street.

Now, New Haven has had 5 shootings in the last few weeks. They have robberies and drugs and all kinds of serious crime in the city (one of the reasons I don't live there) and we're about to have 3 police officers dedicating themselves to a frickin' motor vehicle violation! The third officer strode confidently up to the scene.

He walked right past the female officer (who should have been wearing her cover if she was outside of her vehicle) and the bicycle cop (who looked like an absolute clown in his dorky little bicycle helmet) and said to me: "Henry! What's going on here?"

Yeah, I know a lot of NHPD officers. I socialize with a couple of them, I spar regularly with more of them, and I shoot better than most of them. I suppose I'm bragging, but it really is true. The NHPD does not have a range of their own. They have privileges at a range in Guilford; I'm a member of that same range, and I've competed with police officers for years. I've never seen this lady at the range. Which is not surprising because New Haven police officers are only required to have two hours of practice logged at a range per year! Yep. Two hours. Per year. And they're walking around with a 9mm Glock strapped around their waists. Are you scared yet? You should be. I have seen a veteran cop empty his clip at a target that was 20 feet away, and he did not hit THE TARGET ITSELF with one single round! Honest. Clearly that guy was not one of New Haven's Finest, the jury was still out on the cop who'd pulled me over, I was (and I hope I was hiding it well) simply not able to take the dorky little bicycle cop seriously, but XXXX XXXXXXXX is a pure gem. He is everything a cop at their absolute finest should be. I'm proud to say that I even know this guy.

And, yesterday, I was grateful, too.

He had a very long chat with the officer who'd pulled me over, while the bicycle cop hovered around them like a mosquito at a picnic. I did not hear a word of that conversation. And XXXX didn't say another word to me, either. But when their little chat was finished, the officer who'd pulled me over was studiously polite. She told me that my car was not going to be towed, that I was being given a written warning (that I was to show to the officer if I got pulled over again) and that I really should get to the DMV as soon as possible to straighten this out.

So I will be spending my morning at the DMV tomorrow, trying to find out why the city of New Haven has no record of my 9 year old car having ever been registered, despite the fact that they've been inspecting it, and taxing me, for years.

And despite the fact that I was just at the DMV 3 weeks ago! Yes, the doctor gave me paperwork for a temporary Handicapped Parking placard, and I'd picked up the embarrassing thing about three weeks ago. I had to present my paperwork at that time, and they never said a word about the car that they were issuing the permit for not being registered!

That's really weird.

And it is totally my fault that I cannot seem to find my registration anywhere. I have no idea how an old copy of a registration for my daughter's car ended up in my car, but she does not have mine. So I guess I'll be spending my morning tomorrow straightening this whole mess out.

I've got to say, this is really embarrassing. And it's probably going to cost me some money to resolve. But I sure am glad that my car didn't get towed. And I guess I'm finally starting to understand why people make so many jokes about the DMV.