September is my dying month.

Twelve Septembers, it was.
Twelve times, I made this trip:
First Day of School, fist in face,
Cold tile floor, spit in my hair,
Laughing classmates, burning cheeks,
Squeaking sneakers, slamming lockers,
Empty halls and empty rooms
And useless absent teachers
Who should have helped
But didn't want to know.

September puddles, my face in the water,
Reflected, rippled, twisting,
Reminding me: this is the way
You'll look some day,
As a mocking voice
In the back of my head chants
Look, look, don't be afraid to look!

September, the month of falling leaves.
Those bare branches a surprise every year,
Though I've had half a century to adjust.
If I let myself listen, I can sometimes hear
The wind in the branches, whispering:
One year less, one year less,
One year soon you'll join our dance;
We'll fade and fall together;
We'll tumble and crumble and turn to ash
And join in thoughtless blackness in the ground.

          *****

September. Drying dishes. My parents,
Clearing their throats, hesitant, start,
Stop, restart, try again:
We have news.

A lump. Dad's throat.
The best doctors, finest care,
Operating soon, it's September.

It's September, and I'm hitchhiking
And it's a year later,
And I'm on my way to Philadelphia
From Maryland's Eastern Shore
Because my father said stop cutting
Knowing what was still growing
Inside of him, and I was just hoping
To see him one more time.

And I did.
And that was it.
It was over by October.

          *****

And it was over forever
Twenty years later
After thirteen years of marriage:
It was September when she said
It's over and it was almost Christmas
When I found out about her someone else
And suddenly, I was The September Fool.

          *****

September planes and September flames
And today is the day it happened
And today is the day we remember.
And the rest of the year
I try to forget what I saw
Right there on site,
For two weeks,
Right there on site.

Now, I'm back in Connecticut,
And I'm doing all right,
But in September
I remember.

Yes, I remember.

 

 

Copyright^© September 11, 2008 by Henry W. Farkas