Email Facts Of Life 1. Big companies don't do business via chain letter. Bill Gates is not giving you $1000, and Disney is not giving you a free vacation. There is no baby food company issuing class-action checks. You can relax; there is no need to pass it on "just in case it's true". Furthermore, just because someone said in the message, four generations back, that "we checked it out and it's legit", does not actually make it true. Nor do the words "IBM just received this". That's an almost certain indicator of a hoax. IBM does not disseminate virus warnings to select individuals; they post it here: http://www.av.ibm.com/current/FrontPage/ 2. There is no kidney theft ring in New Orleans. No one is waking up in a bathtub full of ice, even if a friend of a friend swears it happened to their cousin. If you are hellbent on believing the kidney-theft ring stories, please see: http://urbanlegends.tqn.com/library/weekly/aa062997.htm And I quote: "The National Kidney Foundation has repeatedly issued requests for actual victims of organ thieves to come forward and tell their stories. None have." That's "none" as in "zero". Not even your friend's cousin. 3. Neiman Marcus doesn't really sell a $200 cookie recipe. And even if they do, we all have it. And even if you don't, you can get a copy at: http://www.bl.net/forwards/cookie.html Then, if you make the recipe, decide the cookies are that awesome, feel free to pass the recipe on. 4. We all know all 500 ways to drive your roommates crazy, irritate co-workers gross out bathroom stall neighbors and creep out people on an elevator. We also know exactly how many engineers, college students, Usenet posters and people from each and every world ethnicity it takes to change a lightbulb 5. Even if the latest NASA rocket disaster(s) DID contain plutonium that went to particulate over the eastern seaboard, do you REALLY think this information would reach the public via an AOL chain-letter? 6. There is no "Good Times" virus. "Join the Crew" is not a virus. In fact, you should never, ever, ever forward any email containing any virus warning unless you first confirm it at an actual site of an actual company that actually deals with virii. Try: http://www.symantec.com/avcenter/hoax.html 7. If your CC: list is regularly longer than the actual content of your message, you're probably going to Hell. 8. If you're using Outlook, IE, or Netscape to write email, turn off the "HTML encoding." Those of us on Unix shells can't read it, and don't care enough to save the attachment and then view it with a web browser, since you're probably forwarding us a copy of the Neiman Marcus Cookie Recipe anyway. 9. If you still absolutely MUST forward that 10th-generation message from a friend, at least have the decency to trim the eight miles of headers showing everyone else who's received it over the last 6 months. It sure wouldn't hurt to get rid of all the ">" that begin each line. Besides, if it has gone around that many times - we've probably already seen it. 10. Craig Shergold in England is not dying of cancer or anything else at this time and would like everyone to stop sending him their business cards. He apparently is also no longer a "little boy" either. These are hoaxes. They are all very old hoaxes. You might want to consider checking out: http://www.kumite.com/myths/ or http://ciac.llnl.gov/ciac/CIACHoaxes.html when you receive such messages, for your own piece of mind. 11. You cannot, repeat not, be infected by a virus by reading e-mail. (If you open attachments, such as a Microsoft Word document, or if you use WinZip and allow it to automatically uncompress Zip files that you download, and store them in your computer, you can download a virus. But, in all these cases and any similar situations, what you are really doing is the same- downloading a file and storing it on your computer without scanning it for viruses first. You should never do that, and you should never, of course, put a disk that you've just received in your computer without checking it for viruses.) I suggest that you use this http://www.complex.is/cgi-bin/home_pager or this http://www.nai.com/default_mcafee.asp shareware virus checker. But you *-cannot-* be infected with a computer virus simply by reading a piece of e-mail. There. Now you have the facts. But they seem so... serious... to me. If you think the above was humorless, you might want to check out the following reply to a bogus "warning" about the "Goodtimes virus" that drove so many of us nuts some time ago. It's by Warren Moore, and I consider it a classic! Warren is smarter than I am, and he's funnier also- when he cares to be. I really wish I could say that I wrote the following! From: Warren Moore "Good Times Virus...Release 2.0" There's a new virus that will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, it will scramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards, screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play. It will give your ex-girl or boyfriend your new phone number. It will mix Kool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your wine and leave its socks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It will put a dead squirrel in the back pocket of your good pants and hide your car keys when you are late for work. Goodtimes 2.0 will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give you nightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tank and shave off both your eyebrows while dating your girl or boyfriend behind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Discover card. It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she is dead; such is the power of Goodtimes 2.0. It reaches out beyond the grave to sully those things we hold most dear. It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. It will kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss's voice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade of mauve. Goodtimes 2.0 will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toilet seat up. It will make a batch of Methamphe- tamine in your bathtub and then leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chase gradeschoolers with your new snowblower. Goodtimes 2.0 will prompt your mother to call on Friday and Saturday nights for two months after you make a new girlfriend/boyfriend. It will place your wallet and keys on an obscure shelf in the basement. It will emulate your face and stare into the neighbor's bathroom window. Goodtimes 2.0 has been linked to cancer in laboratory mice. 9 out of 10 dentists recommend Goodtimes. Goodtimes 2.0 will make your bloomers shrink two sizes, and it will make you gain 15 pounds. If this results in a wedgie, then Goodtimes will leave a nasty skid mark. * PLEASE listen to me! The "GoodTimes" virus DOES NOT does not exist!! Neither does any virus which claims to be spread via e-mail. E-mail messages are TEXT FILES ! ! ! * But just to be safe, better run that virus scanner now that you've read this!