TEMPERATURES - EVERYTHING IS RELATIVE

 60 F
 Floridians wear coats, gloves and wolly hats.
 New Englanders sunbathe.

 50F
 New Yorkers try to turn on the heat.
 New Englanders plant gardens.

 40 F
 Italian cars won't start.
 New Englanders drive with the windows down.

 32 F
 Distilled water freezes.
 Lake Winnapesaukee cools off.

 20 F
 Californians shiver uncontrollably.
 New Englanders have the last cookout before it gets cold.

 15 F
 New York landlords finally turn up the heat.
 New Englanders throw on a "sweatah."

 0 F
 Californians fly away to mexico.
 New Englanders take in the flag.

 -20 F
 People in Miami cease to exist.
 New Englanders get out the winter coats.

 -40 F
 Hollywood disintegrates.
 New England Girl Scouts still sell cookies door to door.

 -60 F
 Penguins flee Antarctica.
 New England Boy Scouts hold "Winter Survival" classes.

 -80 F
 Mount St. Helen's freezes.
 New Englanders rent videos.

 -100 F
 Santa Claus abandons the North Pole.
 New Englanders are frustrated because they can't thaw the keg.

 -297 F
 Atomic motion stops.
 New Englanders ask: "Cold 'nuff for yah, deah?"

 -500 F
 Hell freezes over.
 The Boston Red Sox win the World Series.