From arcie@netcom.comSun Oct 6 20:37:36 1996 Date: Fri, 4 Oct 1996 20:53:57 -0700 (PDT) From: Randy Cassingham To: This is True Recipients Subject: THIS is TRUE for 29 September Dispatched this week to 150,000+ readers in 117 countries AND the offices of Alaska Petroleum Contractors, Inc., on the Arctic coast at Kuparuk, Alaska, it's... THIS is TRUE for 29 September 1996 Copyright 1996 by Randy Cassingham ------------------------------------------------------------------------ RAH! A rally held in Belgium to protest new European Union rules limiting motorcycle engine noise and requiring riders to wear helmets brought 10,000 bikers to Brussels to roar past the EU headquarters there, trying to change lawmakers' minds before they finalize the legislation. That same week, a two-day anti-government rally in Washington D.C. drew only about 100 protestors to the Capitol Mall, despite its promoter's prediction that 15,000 would show up. "I just got a call, and people are stuck in traffic," claimed Joseph Corey to the assembled handful. "This is the beginning of the effort to take back our government," he said. Distancing his movement from the Oklahoma City bombing, he added, "We're not anti-government, we're pro-Constitution." (AP) ...Rumors that their first constitutional amendment will be a Harley requirement are apparently unfounded. THEY CALL HER FLIPPER: A fully-clothed woman pulled from the ocean three miles off the Florida coast has been detained for psychological evaluation. "She said she couldn't live on land anymore and had adapted to living in the water," a Coast Guard spokesman said. "She didn't want to come in." The woman, who refused to give her name, said she was in the middle of "transitioning" to life in the sea and had "just come up to get some air" when a boater spotted her treading water and called for help. The woman said she'd been in the water for three days, and survived by eating seaweed. (UPI) ...How can evolution proceed when the government won't let it? ANGEL'S FOOD: When John O'Neill of Monona, Wis., tried to order a cake with "a slightly off-color slogan" on it, the bakery refused. "I didn't like being censored by a bakery," he said, so he started his own baking business, The Naughty Baker. That was 15 years ago, and he's learned a few things about people in that time. Women, for instance, have no problem buying cakes shaped as naked females for their husband's parties, but men will almost never order naked men cakes. "It's like -- jeez, are they threatened by a cake?" O'Neill wonders. "We've done cakes that would embarrass a biker," he says, but there is one place where he draws the line. "I don't do flowers. They can go anywhere else and get a cake with flowers on it." (AP) ...No flowered cakes, only deflowered ones. -*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*- NEWS HOLE: Editors and publishers who need help feeding the unsatiable maw of their pages can acquire rights to carry "This is True". We're starting to gear up our campaign to bring TRUE's proven reader magnetism to more print publications. And not just in the U.S.: TRUE already runs in print in three languages and in four countries. For details, send a note with your publication name, location, and circulation level to Randy at . Publishers, editors and journalists might also want to check out some TRUE details at the Editor & Publisher magazine website at -*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*--*- THIS COULD EXPLAIN A LOT: Researchers at Glasgow, Scotland's, Caledonian University have found that criminal psychopaths and politicians share a number of behavioral characteristics, though there is one distinct difference: "Psychopaths lie easily. They get pleasure from duping people," said researcher David Cook. On the other hand, "politicians lie for a purpose." Yet the similarities are striking. "Psychopaths tend to be grandiose, they don't feel remorse, they don't feel guilt and they don't maintain stable relationships." (Reuter) ...Yeah, Right. Like politicians don't get pleasure out of duping people. STRANGE BEDFELLOWS II: An ex-prostitute has failed in her bid for a seat in Congress. Jessi Winchester, 53, who worked in two legal brothels in Nevada for six years, lost in the Republican primary to a former state Assemblyman. Not even former colleagues supported Winchester. A spokesman for the Nevada Brothel Association sniffed, "her behavior flies in the face of a policy our industry tries to maintain of not rubbing our existence in people's faces." (Reuter) ...At least, not without payment up-front. NEXT STOP, CATSKILL: George Carter, the mayor of Fishkill, N.Y., says he will not change the name of his town, despite a campaign from animal rights activists who says the name is "cruel". The town was named in the 1600s by Dutch settlers. In Dutch, "kill" means stream. "I think if they would look the word up, they would find out what it means," Carter said. (AP) ...Sticks and stones will break your bones, but names will never hurt you. I'M NOT AS THINK AS YOU DRUNK I AM: Police in Troy, Mich., couldn't help but notice the man with a suspended driver's license cruised by on a riding lawnmower. "An officer in the area had made a traffic stop and was writing out a report when he heard this crashing sound and this guy goes riding by him on the sidewalk," said a police spokesman. Since the blades were engaged, "the mower was setting off sparks, so he stopped the guy and then smelled booze." The man said he wasn't drunk and insisted that officers do a Breathalyzer test on him. They complied: it indicated a .22% blood-alcohol level, more than double Michigan's legal limit. Officers impounded the lawnmower, but didn't arrest the man. They instead drove him the rest of the way home, four miles away. In a car. (UPI) ...And people think cops don't have a sense of humor. THE CRUSH OF PAPERWORK: A man apparently trying to steal a 600-pound safe from a Huntington, N.Y. insurance office was found crushed to death underneath it at the base of a flight of stairs. Inside the safe: insurance forms. (AP) ...No word yet on whether this will be covered under his worker's comp policy. WELL THAT SETTLES THAT: "Unconscious Can 'Think' But Not About Popcorn" -- Reuter headline $11 BOOK IS INVALUABLE... ...FOR WARDING OFF SLEAZY SEAT COMPANIONS. "This Is True: Deputy Kills Man With Hammer" contains 500 stories and headlines from this weekly column, plus many stories we didn't have room for in the column. 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