"I am the..."

Whenever Darkwing Duck makes an entrance, he introduces himself by saying:
"I am the terror that flaps in the night!" and then following it up
with a metaphor:
    * "I am the switch that derails your train!"
    * "I am the spinach that sticks to your teeth!"
    * "I am the jailer who throws away the key!"
    * "I am the surprise in your cereal box."
    * "I am the winged scourge that pecks at your nightmares!"
    * "I am the lollipop that sticks in your hair!"
    * "I am the rhinestone on the jumpsuit of justice!"
    * "I am the thing that goes bump in the night!"
    * "I am the neuroses that requires a $500-an-hour shrink!"
    * "I am the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus!"
    * "I am the batteries that are not included!"
    * "I am the headache in the criminal mind!"
    * "I am the raspberry seed you can't floss out!"
    * "I am the fingernail that scrapes the blackboard of your soul!"
    * "I am the onion that stings in your eye!"
    * "I am the special news bulletin that interrupts your favorite show!"
    * "I am the hairball that clogs your drains!"
    * "I am the low ratings that cancel your program!"
    * "I am the auditor that wants to look at your books!"
    * "I am the slug that slimes your Begonias!"
    * "I am the bubble gum that sticks in your hair!"
    * "I am the itch you cannot reach!"
    * "I am the smoke that smokes Smoked Oysters!"
    * "I am the ten dollar service charge on all returned checks!"
    * "I am the fingernail that scrapes across the blackboard of injustice!"
    * "I am the peanut butter that sticks to the roof of your mouth!"
    * "I am the cholesterol that clogs your arteries!"
    * "I am the wrong number that wakes you at 3am!"
    * "I am the fast food that comes back to haunt you!"
    * "I am the bug that splatters on your windshield!"

Henry's (AKD Darkwing Dad's) additions:
 * I am the preposition you end your sentences with!
 * I am the little ball of fuzz that sticks to your armpit hairs!
 * I am the classic novel that you have been trying to finish for years!
 * I am the stinky bit of food that you dropped into your car's air vents!
 * I am the rock hiding under the snow on the sled run!
 * I am the fish hook that flies back and snags you!
 * I am the eye level wiper streak on the windshield of life!
 * I am the month old Chinese food under your car's front seat!
 * I am the one red sock that ruined your whole white load!
 * I am the Brussels sprout in your soup!
 * I am the Coke you spilled in your keyboard!
 * I am the fuzzy mold in your freezer!
 * I am the mosquito in your bedroom!
 * I am the dark pixels on your monitor!
 * I am the diet soda in the refrigerator of life!
 * I am the persistent hum in your speakers!
 * I am the roommate that snores!
 * I am a rock, I am an island... (1)
 * I am the SBD in the cube farm!
 * I am the one missing piece in your thousand piece puzzle!
 * I am the ketchup that will not pour!
 * I am the hidden straight pin in your new shirt!
 * I am the buzzing fret on the neck of life!
 * I am the Gypsy Moth in the forest of evil!
 * I am the ... ewww ... you just stepped in it!
 * I am the car door that slams on the finger of evil!


1 = Gratuitous Simon and Garfunkel reference.